Blog Paper: Unclogged - Movie News w/c 19th April 2017

Welcome to a brand new edition of Blog Paper: Unclogged. The headlines are true, the details may very well not be!

The new Justice League trailer dropped this week. The next chapter in the DCEU franchise looks like it has a lighter tone than previous entries, possibly a creative decision to course correct the much maligned, yet profitable series. Justice League will be followed by various new movies featuring comic characters you have barely heard about which are all in various stages of disarray. Warner Bros. and DC are expected to soon announce that they are block booking all dates between now and 2035 for the release of the movies to avoid having to keep releasing costly press releases when they have to push them all back again due to creative problems. A notable character that is missing from Justice League is The Green Arrow. Charlie Hunnam star of Sons of Anarchy is a fan favourite for the role but he apparently has no desire to play Green Arrow. He has stated that comic book movies are just not his taste, a feeling expressed by many when watching a DCEU movie

On the other side of the comic book movie fence Marvel are continuing their planned domination of the genre and released new Spider-man Homecoming  posters. They feature Spider-man in many exciting, action packed poses such as hanging from a sign, lying down and sticking to a building. Previous images to be used of Spider-man in bed, sitting at a desk and enjoying a soak in the tub were considered not frenetic and exciting enough so the Marvel execs went with the images we got.

A new Spider-man spin off is planned, outside of the MEU, by Sony with baddie Venom taking the lead. Rumour has it the  movie will be R rated. The reason for this being that main cast will be heard to drop many an F Bomb when they discover the movie is not being produced by Marvel and box office is likely to be as rotten as having a festering symbiotic alien attached to your undies. Look forward to a Venom reboot being announced shortly after this movie is released.

Las Vegas CinemaCon Distributors convention took place this week. Members of the cinema distribution Illuminati were treated to exclusive previews of some of the movies they can look forward to investing in by default in the up coming few years. Some of the clips that were shown came from the likes of blockbusters Justice League, Blade Runner 2049 and War of the Planet of the Apes. Some attendees were disappointed to be turned away at the door because they were in in cosplay - apparently it wasn't that kind of convention.

Kong Skull Island has been bashing it's chest at the box office recently. Cinema viewers were very disappointed that there were no scenes included of Kong eating a skyscraper sized banana, or a bit where he flings Mount Rushmore sized lumps of monkey poo at passing tourists. Despite this, follow up/sequel Godzilla 2 production moves along at a pace. The movie is casting has included Millie Bobby Brown best known for her role as Eleven in Stranger Things. Millie's casting has lead rumours to a further cross over event entitled  A Stranger Godzilla vs King Kong and Things. A musical ,singalong verson of King Kong is also due called Kongalongathon.

Photos of Alicia Vikander as Lara Croft in the new Tomb Raider reboot have been released. It looks like poor old Lara is going to be in for some major orthodontic procedures. As we can see in this picture, Lara is ready to do battle with an evil infestation of plaque using a giant toothpick.

Han Solo Plot details have been released and fans are a little disappointed to find out that it will centre around the iconic smuggler being caught going through the nothing to declare section at Gatwick Airport and being caught by the authorities with an unauthorised pomegranate in his hand luggage and having it confiscated. Han immediately springs to action filling in form 74505b to be able to have his pomegranate released from quarantine and forwarded to him on Tatooine.

It seems that Harry Styles of One Direction fame was up for the part of Han Solo in the new spin off . When asked why he was chosen he replied "God Only Knows" apparently producers said "It Gotta be You". When asked if he knew why he eventually didn't land the part he related that it was because of all these "little things."

Arnie "Arnold Schwarzenegger" Schwarzenegger has chimed in on Terminator series rumours. The franchise is not dead according to the Austrian Oak. Paramount has recently dropped plans for follow ups to Genysis like so many SkyNet A bombs. Reports suggest that Arnie has confirmed he is still attached to star in the next movie but reading his quotes closer what he actually said was someone, somewhere will make a Terminator movie at some point which will star people who will be directed by another person. To find out exactly what happens with the movie jump on into a time machine, flash forward five years or so, watch the movie then travel back in time around two hours so you can stop yourself wasting the price of the cinema ticket.

Blog Paper's Movie News: Unclogged! - Movie News w/c October 31st 2016

Welcome to Blog Paper: Unclogged! All the movie news you can use!

The headlines are real, some of the details may well not be.

Star Wars fans were excited this week when a description of Luke Skywalker's costume for Episode VIII made it online. Details simply suggest he will be wearing dark colours in training scenes of the movie not the slinky off the shoulder number with matching accessories some where hoping for.

Sherlock 3 is finally in development with Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law to reprise their roles from the hit franchise directed by Guy Ritchie. The movie has created a writer's room to bash the story and script into shape. It is expected that the plot will involve Holmes and Watson falling out and parting ways only to build separate crime fighting teams of ace detectives. Casting for Charlie Chan and Miss Marple has yet to be confirmed.

Kate Beckinsale, soon to be seen in Underworld: Blood Wars, was interviewed on "Late Night with Seth Meyers" this week where she admitted to enjoying arranging fruit into amusing phallic positions and doodling penises, thousands of male viewers complained as hey thought she had said "Diddling"

This Halloween the stars were dressing up for all the swankiest horror based parties. Taylor Swift wins the prize for best costume as she got to borrow a genuine Deadpool outfit from friend Ryan Reynolds. Apparently it was a bit of a tight fit, it took a lot of baby powder and three friends to help shake it off.

In a comic book you never heard of being developed into a movie news, Image "Huge in the early 90's" Comics "Enormous" is to be turned into a possible franchise. The book, which features giant monsters running riot in the city, will be transformed into a movie with possible virtual reality elements. Watching the movie with V.R. technology will giver the viewer the impression they are looking up at a giant, slobbering, gnashing maniac that wants to eat you alive - an experience not dissimilar to watching footage of the Trump campaign trail.

In more technical news. James Cameron has announced that he hopes to bring 3D technology forward with his up coming four Avatar sequels by developing a system that will not require glasses. The new movies are to be sponsored by Anadin and Nurofen.

It seems that unlikely sequel Escape Plan 2 has been given the green light with Sylvester Stallone attached to make a supporting appearance. It has not been confirmed if Arnold Schwarzenegger is involved this time around. The story will revolve around Sly having to escape from a maximum security rest home before wardens come to give him his bedtime coco.

Girl on the Train writer Erin Cressida is in talks to write the planned live action version of Disney's Snow White. Possible title could be Girl in the Forrest. This follows the trend for live action remakes of The Little Mermaid (Girl n the Water), Beauty and the Beast (Girl and the Hairy Fella) and Mulan (Girl that Pretends to be a Boy but is Actually a Girl). Also in development is the story of Rose Red, sister of Snow White, who after finding out that Snow has fallen under the wicked witches spell, sets off with the seven dwarfs to save her sister. If this is to be an action movie controversy will ensue as the dwarfs carry out their mission of rampant, blood soaked revenge. In keeping with the change of tone the seven dwarves will change their names to Mad Dog, Frenzy, Rampage, The Douche, Muscles, Buzzsaw and Doris.

No news on casting for the role of Snow White but maybe the Disney big wigs could throw the role towards poor Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson who is in the midst of the second week of a project announcement drought. Desperate measures maybe taken and if no announcements are made soon we will be hearing about The Tooth Fairy 3 and Snitch 2: Still Snitchin' just to keep Dwayne ticking over.

Tune in next week for more slightly tweeked movie news with Blog Paper: Unclogged!

Blog Paper's Movie News: Unclogged! - w/c 24th Oct 2016

Welcome to Movie News: Unclogged! Your guide to the weeks best headlines in Hollywood. The news is true, some of the details are not.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them won't be in cinemas until 18th November, but it has already been announced that J.K. Rowling will be working a further five movies in the series. The fifth of these films will be split into two parts, 5a and 5b with 5b being turned into a further two movies 5b.1 and 5b.2. This pattern will carry on until all the money in the world has been hoovered up into the Potter World coffers or the end of the world arrives, which ever comes first. Possible titles for the movies are Fantastic Beasts and How to Fondle Them, Fantastic Beasts and Exploitation of Wallets and Fantastic Beasts Vs Superman.

There are worries that Hollywood is in turmoil as no new movies to star Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have been announced this week. Johnson, who is currently filming the sequel to family classic Jumanji, has an estimated 727 projects in development all for release next year. It is expected that, with the sudden three days down time in his schedule Dwayne will be able to use the bonus day it allows him to develop new muscles previously unknown to the human species.

The Smithsonian kick started a kickstarter campaign to help raise money to carry out preservation work on Dorothy's iconic ruby slippers as worn by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz. They hoping to raise $300,000 help conserve the shoes that have lost some of their sparkle over the last 80 years. It is believed that most of the money required will be raised by donations from Bay Area drag artists alone. There is, however, no plan to use an excess donations to help preserve Steven Segal's chef hat from Under Siege.

Awesome actor J.K. Simmons noted, in an interview with Entertainment Weekly, that he is very excited to be working on the next Batman movie with Ben Affleck. His take on beloved D.C. character Commissioner James Gordon will first be seen in Zac Snyder's Justice League movie next year. It is believed he will have a greater role to play in Affleck's "The Batman" currently in pre-production. Simmons says that his iteration of Gordon will be "more bad ass." Possibilities of a Suicide Squad make over with "To Protect and Serve" tattooed on his forehead have yet to be verified.

Boo! A Madea Halloween beat Jack Reacher; Never Go Back into submission at the U.S. box office with a $27.6 million take this weekend. Boo! Written, directed, produced, catered by and starring Tyler Perry is part of a long running series of movies featuring the outspoken matriarch that is largely unknown in other territories like  the U.K. Studio executives intend to address this problem by creating a Madea extended universe in the Marvel style. Expect Madea Vs. Big Momma to hit the screens in 2018.

Deadpool 2 has hit the headlines this week with the unfortunate news that the project has lost it's director Tim Miller who has left the sequel to his smash hit over creative differences. The news still hot off the presses has already spurred fans of the merc with a mouth to start a petition to have the directors chair filled with the prestigious butt of Quentin Tarantino. The Blog Paper office finds this prospect very exciting but we would like to propose an alternative of Terry Hughes, veteran director of The Golden Girls as a Wade Wilson Vs Blanche spin off just sounds too good to miss. 

In other Deadpool 2 news four actresses are being considered for the role of Domino. They are looking for an actress who is not a push over and can be counted on.

Tune in next week for more of Blog Paper's Movie News: Unclogged!